Luca is not a perfect child. There, I’ve said it.
Don’t get me wrong, he is perfect in most ways, and is showing early signs of prodigious talent at pretty much everything. Whether he becomes a captain of industry, world leader or all-conquering sports star depends only on his whim.
If anyone thinks this presumptuous for a week-old baby boy, look at him:
Genius. Can’t you see it? Are you blind?
In the first few days we genuinely thought he was flawless. He slept from midnight to 10am with only one feed, spent a glorious morning with me while Mum caught up on the hardest-earned sleep ever, and generally failed to do any of the annoying things new babies are supposed to do.
We dared to believe we might have hit the jackpot: a baby that lets his parents sleep. We were wrong.
Last night he was happily dozing and feeding all day, but when we got in to bed he was a different creature, wailing and looking desperately unhappy; grabbing angrily at the boob instead of taking a proper mouthful.
It was the first time we had been unable to give him what he wanted and it was a horrible, guilty, gut-wrenching feeling. Our only tactic is to feed him to sleep, and as far as this goes the buck stops with Mum. It’s irrefutable, decreed by nature.
I feel bad when she tells me to go to sleep while she soldiers on, but also grateful. Very, very grateful. She was up with him till the early hours while i dozed. I’ve been trying to make up for it with the lion’s share of cooking and nappy-changing. Honest.
To make things worse, we then discover that breastfeeding him to sleep is not a good idea in the first place. Apparently it instils bad habits. All I can say is that this is sound, long-term advice, and it's not easy to think long-term at 2.30 in the morning.
So I'd like to ask anyone reading this the most obvious and unanswerable question in all of parenthood: how do you make a baby go to sleep? Please keep your answers to 140 characters or less, so I can test them immediately and tweet them as my own.
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Get Olivia to drink about half a large bottle of vodka (as neat as possible and avoid mixing it with any soft drinks containing caffeine). Then wait about one hour and simply breast feed Luka. Mother and baby now happily asleep - you can finish the rest of the vodka, smoke some weed and play computer games.
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ReplyDeleteThanks for the advice, social services are over, and they want to speak to you
ReplyDeleteVibrations help sleeping.
ReplyDeleteMaybe put his cot in a car and keep the engine running all night.
Just a thought about routines. I found that a good starting point was to give them a bath at the same (ish) time everyday. THis sets them up for the evening wind down time. Soothing little massage after and then have a feed in a dimly lit room. I started to introduce a difference between night and day. At night change the nappy with as little light as you can manage, don't interact with him in the same way you do during the day. Keep it dark or dimly lit. Feed then sleep. It's a good place to start I think. Especially as getting your evenings back is golden.
ReplyDeleteEnjoy the slings.
x Floss
If Luca = you writing again then this = me being happy.
ReplyDeleteHi not sure how you feel about dummies? My intial decision was to avoid, however i felt like my daughter was breastfeeding all evening and like your little one i was feeding her in the early hours to sleep!!!! they are a god send however now my daughter is 7 months she's discovered how to pull it out and throw it on the floor!!!! Good luck and congratulations! Enjoy those early days - you will actually miss them when there gone weird as it sounds!!!
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